Soap Story Dashboard

I am traveling about 100% of the time for my current job.  So I spend many more nights in a hotel room than my own house.  So it reminded me of this funny funny story.  I laugh our loud every time I read it.  Please check it out and let me know if you find it as funny as I do in the comments.  It also inspired me to create a mini dashboard for the story.  You can find this Excel dashboard below the story.  Please read and share as it is a RIOT!


Soap Story

This is a true story of correspondence that took place between a hotel guest and the
staff.  The hotel who submitted this has a policy of giving free soap to all of its

Dear Maid,
	Please do not leave any more of those little bars of soap in my bathroom
since I have brought my own bath-sized Dial. Please remove the six unopened little
bars from the shelf under the medicine chest and another three in the shower soap
dish. They are in my way.  Thank you.
                                     S. Berman

Dear Room 635,
	I am not your regular maid.  She will be back tomorrow, Thursday, from her
day off.  I took the 3 hotel soaps out of the shower soap dish as you requested.  The
6 bars on your shelf I took out of your way and put on top of your Kleenex dispenser
in case you should change your mind.  This leaves only the 3 bars I left today which
are my standing instructions from the management. I hope this is satisfactory.
                                     Kathy, Relief Maid

Dear Maid -- I hope you are my regular maid,
	Apparently Kathy did not tell you about my note to her concerning the little
bars of soap.  When I got back to my room this evening I found you had added 3 little
Camays to the shelf under my medicine cabinet.  I am going to be here in the hotel for 
two weeks and have brought my own bath-size Dial so I won't need those 6 little Camays
which are on the shelf.  They are in my way when shaving, brushing teeth, etc.  Please
remove them.
                                     S. Berman

Dear Mr. Berman,
	My day off was last Wednesday so the relief maid left 3 hotel soaps which we
are instructed by the management.  I took the 6 soaps which were in your way on the
shelf and put them in the soap dish where your Dial was.  I put the Dial in the
medicine cabinet for your convenience.
    I did not remove the 3 complimentary soaps which are always placed inside the
medicine cabinet for all new check-ins and which you did not object to when you
checked in last Monday.  Please let me know if I can be of further assistance.
                                     Your regular maid, Dotty

Dear Mr. Berman,
	The assistant manager, Mr. Kensedder informed me this A.M. that you called
ham last evening and said you were unhappy with your maid service.  I have assigned a
new girl to your room.  I hope you will accept my apologies for any past
inconvenience. If you have any future complaints please contact me so I can give it 
my personal attention. Call extension 1108 between 8 A.M. and 5 P.M.  Thank you.
                                     Elaine Carmen, Housekeeper

Dear Miss Carmen,
	It is impossible to contact you by phone since I leave the hotel for business 
at 7:45 A.M. and don' t get back before 5:30 P.M.  That's the reason I called Mr.
Kensedder last night - you were already off duty.  I only asked Mr. Kensedder if he
could do anything about those little bars of soap.  The new maid you assigned me must
have thought I was a new check-in today, since she left another 3 bars of hotel soap
in my medicine cabinet along with her regular delivery of 3 bars on the bathroom
shelf.  In just 5 days here I have accumulated 24 little bars of soap.  Why are you
doing this to me?
                                     S. Berman

Dear Mr. Berman,
	Your maid, Kathy, has been instructed to stop delivering soap to your room
and remove the extra soaps.  If I can be of further assistance, please call extension
1108 between 8:00 A.M. and 5:00 P.M.. Thank you.
                                     Elaine Carmen, Housekeeper

Dear Mr. Kensedder,
	My bath-size Dial is missing.  Every bar of soap was taken from my room
including my own bath-size Dial.  I came in last last night and had to call the
bellhop to bring me 4 little Cashmere Bouquets.
                                     S. Berman

Dear Mr. Berman,
	I have informed our housekeeper, Elaine Carmen, of your soap problem.  I
cannot understand why there was no soap in your room since our maids are instructed to
leave 3 bars of soap each time they service a room.  The situation will be rectified
immediately.  Please accept my apologies for the inconvenience.
                            Martin L. Kensedder, Asst. Manager

Dear Mrs. Carmen,
	Who the hell left 54 little bars of Camay in my room?  I came in last night
and found 54 little bars of soap.  I don't want 54 little bars of Camay.  I want my
one damn bar of bath-size Dial.  Do you realize I have 54 bars of soap in here.  All I
want is my bath-size Dial.  Please give me back my bath-size Dial.
                                     S. Berman

Dear Mr. Berman,
	You complained of too much soap in your room so I had them removed. Then you
complained to Mr. Kensedder that all your soap was missing so I personally returned
them - the 24 Camays which had been taken and the 3 Camays you are supposed to receive
daily.  I don't know anything about the 4 Cashmere Bouquets.  Obviously your maid,
Kathy, did not know I had returned your soaps so she also brought 24 Camays plus the
3 daily Camays.  I don't know where you got the idea this hotel issues bath-size Dial.
I was able to locate some bath-size Ivory which I left in your room.
                                     Elaine Carmen, Housekeeper

Dear Mrs. Carmen,
	Just a short note to bring you up-to-date on my latest soap inventory.  As of
today I possess:

On shelf under medicine cabinet - 
     18 Camay in 4 stacks of 4 and 1 stack of 2.
On Kleenex dispenser - 11 Camay in 2 stacks of 4 and 1 stack of 3.
On bedroom dresser - 
     7 Cashmere Bouquet in 1 stack of 3 & 1 stack of 4, 1 hotel-
     size bath-size Ivory, and 8 Camay in 2 stacks of 4. 
Inside medicine cabinet - 
     14 Camay in 3 stacks of 4 and 1 stack of 2. 
In shower soap dish - 6 Camay, very moist.
On northeast corner of tub - 1 Cashmere Bouquet, slightly used.
On northwest corner of tub - 6 Camays in 2 stacks of 3.

	Please ask Kathy when she services my room to make sure the stacks are neatly
piled and dusted.  Also, please advise her that stacks of more than 4 have a tendency
to tip.  May I suggest that my bedroom window sill, which is not in use, will make an 
excellent spot for future soap deliveries.  One more item, I have purchased another bar
of bath-size Dial which I am keeping in the hotel vault in order to avoid further
                                     S. Berman


I hope this made you chuckle if not laugh out loud.  It cracks me up every time I read it.  Let me know what you think or your worst hotel experience below in the comments.

Here is a graphical representation of the bars of soap by soap type and by location as a mini soap dashboard: